When my kids were toddlers I thought there would be no end to the insanity. I never thought I would see the end of the diaper trail, the odoriferous trash cans and dirty clothes. All I wanted was for my children to be able to talk to me without screaming because all but 1 of my children had speaking disabilities. It seemed that I could never catch a break. My 3rd child didn't walk until she was almost 18 months old and Jack, well that put everything into perspective. After having J I realized that it didn't matter if they stopped sucking their thumb at a certain age, it didn't matter if they could put their clothes on by themselves by the time they were walking or when they rolled over or got their teeth, because I realized that in the long run this would all be done and taken for granted by the time they were high school graduates. Little did I know that the toddler years were the simplest.
Now that I have all 4 children in elementary school, with 1 going into middle school I feel that the struggles have only just begun. Now the worries of what milestones they have accomplished have fallen by the wayside and our focus is on their ability to learn, understand, and be successful students. As a teacher I can say that every one learns in their own pace, some faster than others and as a teacher we provide for that gap. However, after the struggles we have endured the past 2 years with our own children, it has been difficult as we ask ourselves is this something they will grow out of or is their something more? I take great pride in knowing and understanding my kids. I can smell when their are sick (yes I know it's weird, but it's my mom sense), I know when something is troubling them and they are waiting to spill. But I always doubt myself when I find something that I think could have been caught before the struggles began.
This year my kids began to struggle in school. I don't mean socially, but educationally. I knew that this was their second year in a new school and it was more rigorous than the previous, but D and I worked diligently with them to catch up, however it wasn't working. First came Madeline. Since the first grade she has struggled, she went to summer school after her first grade year to catch up, was still low, but moved to second and a new school. We figured she was so shy and quiet she didn't ask enough questions and fell by the wayside (not the squeaky wheel). She struggled all year long, was tested for special education but found that her IQ was above average. She struggled in reading and comprehension. It was suggested that she repeat second grade, but I knew that she could catch up, all my kids are the underdog champions. So we moved her to the third grade. After the third week we spoke with her teachers to see how she was doing (we keep close contact with our teachers because we want them to be as informed about our kids as much as possible). After meeting with the teachers and seeing her struggles so soon into third we decided to move her back to second, then saw the Dr. about possible ADD, she was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, after placed on medication, her grades and reading ability shot through the roof. Then.....
We noticed Zachary began to struggle, his teachers noticed that he had difficulty concentrating, couldn't understand and follow directions thoroughly. He was getting frustrated. His grades had never been stellar, 70's and 80's, but he was working hard and I knew that because he is a pleaser. After testing him we found he had ADD. Once he was on the medication his grades began to climb and for the first time in 4 years he was on honor roll.
As if 2 weren't enough Anna along the same timeline was struggling with reading. At the beginning of 1st grade she was reading on a middle of Kindergarten year level, 0.6. By November there was not much progression. Anna was not enjoying herself, she was frustrated that others were reading better than her, she couldn't remember the instructions, she couldn't think fast enough. After working diligently with her teacher and having A go to after school tutoring, I could see we were not making progress. By now we are late January, she had not progressed at all. After seeing remarkable results with the other two I suggested to have her tested and sure enough she was ADD. Her reading soared from a 0.6 to 3.2 in less than 3 months...a third grade reading level! She was confident about her math facts and was working tangrams and other puzzles that most kids her age do not do.
While going through this difficult year I beat myself up because I knew that I didn't read to my kids when they were little every night because I needed to work on school work to get a degree to help take care of my kids. I hated the fact that I had heard so many times the benefits of reading to children and knew how much I had enjoyed being read to as a kid. With 4 kids within 18 months of each other it was a struggle to do every thing a mom is supposed to do for all....but was nothing in comparison to the struggles and decisions we have had to make in their best interests this year. It was tough knowing that Madeline tested for ADD/ADHD and we didn't know until it was too late, had we known in first grade she may not have been pulled back to a lower grade. But we did the best with what we had. I guess as parents that is all we can do.
Hind sight is always 20/20 and I hope and pray that I will continually assess the needs of my kids on what they need. Jackson has taught me to stop looking at what others are doing, though it is a good measuring point each child brings to the table their own abilities that far outweigh anyone elses. We are all made for different things, to pose different ideas, to come up with different experiences that make each of us unique, so why work as a whole, why not embrace the individual? I know the toddler years were tough, but in comparison, it was nothing like this stage. I can only imagine what it will be like when the school work becomes more demanding. I just hope that we have laid the ground work for our children to be successful. I pray that their education will become less of a struggle so they can begin to see who they can be instead of what they are not. The elementary school years have been a huge learning curve for my kiddos. We have tried to teach them to look at only themselves and not worry about how fast others are going. We have taught them how to complete their school work when they get home, to ask questions and trust their teachers. We have also shown them the relationships that we have with their teachers so they know we are working together to make them better students. So much is learned in the elementary schools years that make the toddler years seem like a walk in the park.
So as you are struggling with whatever age group your child is in remember to be there for those who come behind you to remind them everything will be okay. It is important to go through the struggles to prepare you for what happens in life later on. If we did not struggle, we would not grow. It is important to lend an ear and be a should to cry on for those mom's who are crying out with young ones and let them know it's okay they will get through it. Everyone finds their way, they just have to believe and be encourage to run through it!
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